My heart says...

LOVE...HURT...LOVE AGAIN
I decided to just say what I'm going through right now. It's not that serious that I will attempt suicide. LOL

But, these days, I'm sure that many will relate to this.

The first step to move on is ACCEPTANCE, I know. But what I don't know is how to do it. It's been months when I was told that he's already engaged. Yes, he was the one who told me (which I was thankful) the news. What is not great about this is I still don't know “since when” did he have his new girlfriend. I am afraid to know. Why? Because I'm afraid to know the truth. Why again? Okay, let me tell you the story...

We (I suppose) have been in love for almost or more than two years and here's the thing, that was just a mutual understanding. No formal relationship. And we have not met, EVER! That makes this story stupid. Hate me now? Haha.

So, we've been communicating through text. And the kulitan plus the closeness were to blame! It was an on-off communication, too. But the past year, we became consistent. I was at my happiest, no doubt. All that we waited was for us to meet and we're ready for a commitment. Until all of these hurtful things happened. Just when he already consistently speaks to me on the phone, he would break such revelations. I was crying while we were talking. I never thought that that would be like a real break-up! XD It hurt so bad.

He asked why I'm crying and I just said, “Happy!”. (Of course, I'm not! Damn it!)

He also said that he loved me. Sure, I believed it. (Oh wait, I'm crying. Waaaah) It was his birthday that time and I stayed just to be with him (on the phone). That was foolish. I told him that I will not text him anymore but he didn't want me to leave. He asked for my friendship and I gave in. Though it was painful to still communicate with him, I did. It was a torture but I stayed. Because he asked me to. Now, he has disappeared. Maybe he doesn't need me at all. Maybe he doesn't care at all. But, nothing for me to do. He already found someone. And he had the nerves to tell me that she's like me. The attitude, etc. Tsk. They will tie the knot soon and I can't promise to wish them well. I wish myself well instead.

I feel that the love I gave exceeded. He already left and I'm still here, hurting. I even find time to read his messages. I can't delete it. I don't know why but there's still the happiness and kilig. Then, tears will follow. :)

Frustrated. I observed that I'm getting more and more frustrated whenever I see couples. I could have been one of them. It's sad when the things on my mind are all questions, but just unanswered.

How can you let go if you still want him in your life?

How can you move on when despite the pain, you still love him.

DAMN MOVING ON! DAMN LETTING GO!