What's going on?

February 6, 2014

10:08AM

Hindi ko alam kung paano ko ba sisimulan ito. Basta alam ko lang na gusto kong maisulat (mai-type) lahat lahat.

Sa totoo lang, hiyang-hiya ako kay Lord sa mga nararamdaman ko lately. Parang hindi ako makuntento sa mga naibibigay nya sa’kin. Pero alam kong naiintindihan Nyang hindi yun, alam kong alam Nya lahat. Okay na sa’kin yun. Naguguluhan lang talaga ako sa sarili ko at siguro minsan naguguluhan din Sya.

Ayaw ko na rin talaga laging magpost sa Facebook at Twitter dahil nahihiya na rin ako sa followers pero hindi ko maiwasan, outlet ko talaga e. Ako kasi yung taong hindi nakakapagsabi ng problema sa personal. Nagagawa kong magkwento through chat siguro pero hindi ako yun sa totoong buhay. Ako yung mas gusto kong manahimik nalang at dalhin ko lahat mag-isa. Yung nakikita at nababasa ng mga tao sa social media, maliit lang na parte yun sa kung ano ako. Yun yung parteng matapang, nagtatapang-tapangan. Nagtataka siguro yung iba kasi hindi naman nahahalatang may mga itinatago akong ganito kasi kapag sa labas at maraming tao, iba ako. Hindi yun sa pagkukunwari. Naiiba lang talaga ako kapag may mga kasama dahil nararamdaman kong masaya, hindi ako nag-iisa. Madalas lang talagang mangyari na kapag uuwi na ako at nakakulong na sa kwarto mag-isa, dun bumabalik lahat ng kalungkutan. Nagpapakita ako ng emosyon depende sa bawat sitwasyon. At kapag tapos na akong matuwa sa sitwasyon na yun, babalik nanaman ako sa totoong nararamdaman ko. Ako rin yung taong mas marunong making kesa sa magsalita. At madali akong maapektuhan sa halos lahat ng bagay kaya napakahirap para sakin. Pabigat nang pabigat ang dinadala ko…

Nagsimula siguro ito nung nagmahal ako sa wala. Ilang taon nagpakatanga sa taong hindi naman tunay na nage-exist. Ganun lang ako e, napakadali ko magtiwala. Napakadaling magmahal. At kapag natapos na lahat at nalaman na nagkalokohan lang pala, bumababa ang pagtingin ko sa sarili ko. Madalas kong maisip kung ano bang meron o wala sa’kin at kayang-kaya akong lokohin ng mga tao. Kung ganun lang ba ako ka-walang kwenta para palitan at paglaruan. Hindi ko alam… hindi ko mahanap ang sagot.

Madalas ko rin maramdaman na nag-iisa ako at walang pakialam sa’kin ang mga tao. Matagal ko nang iniinda yung dapat ako nalang ang lagging mauna, dapat ako lagi ang mangumusta. No offense sa mga taong laging nandyan pero sana alam nyo kung gaano ko kayo pinapahalagahan.

Akala rin siguro ng iba na desperado ako sa lalake, na atat na atat ako magka-boyfriend. Here’s the true story… Hindi yun ganun. Gusto ko lang talaga siguro maramdaman na may taong makakakita na worth it naman ako, na deserve naman nya ako. Appreciation, validation, confirmation, o assurance man ang itawag dun, yun lang naman ang gusto ko; na sana may taong magpatunay sakin na kaparapat-dapat naman ako magustuhan at mahalin. Dahil sa ngayon, yun ang hindi ko maramdaman. Sa lahat ng naiparamdam kong pagmamahal na hindi naibalik, walang wala nang natira sakin. Tulad nga ng madalas kong sabihin, “wasak na wasak” “durog na durog” upos na upos” na ko kumbaga.

Disappointed din ako sa sarili ko kasi pagkatapos ng lahat ng achievements ko noon, nasaan ba ako ngayon? Don’t get me wrong, mahal na mahal ko ang ginagawa ko ngayon. Minsan lang naiinggit ako sa mga kasabayan ko dahil pakiramdam ko napag-iiwanan na ako. Proud na proud sa kanila lahat samantalang ako eto, nanliliit ako sa sarili ko. Alam kong maraming nag-eexpect na mabubuhay ako nang bongga. Pero eto po talaga ang totoo, simpleng buhay lang talaga ang gusto ko. Sobrang simple lang ng kaligayahan ko. Hindi ako dedepende sa pera. Ako yung mas pipiliin ang gawain na gusto ko talagang gawin. Nalulungkot lang ako sa expectations na hindi ko maibigay, sa lahat ng disappointments at frustrations na nararamdaman siguro ng ibang tao sa’kin.

Mas masakit siguro kasi naiisip ko na nabubuhay ako para sa ibang tao. Madalas, hindi ko talaga iniisip ang sarili ko, aminado ako. Nagtatalo lang ang pakiramdam na gusto kong mapasaya ang ibang tao pero ang kagustuhan rin na mapasaya rin naman ang sarili ko. Ang tigas ko po sa labas pero sobrang lambot ko sa loob. Naiiyak ako minsan kasi alam kong ako pa rin yung taong alam kong ako. Ako parin naman yung mabait at mas iniisip ang kapakanan ng iba. Nagmumukha akong masama pero alam kong hindi naman talaga ako yun. Ewan ko.. L At sa kabila ng lahat ng naikwento ko dito, hindi ko pa rin talaga alam kung bakit ako ganito…

Huwag Ka Lang Mawawala

August 22, 2013 11:15PM

Matagal kong pinag-isipan kung iba-blog ko nga ba ito o hindi pero eto na… out of emotions. :) Souvenir ko na rin sa pagsubaybay ko sa isa sa pinaka matinding teleseryeng nagawa ng ABS-CBN.

“Against All Odds” pa ang title ng teleseryeng ‘to , sobrang excited na kami. Paano ba naman? Bukod sa fan po ako ni KC Concepcion eh Ms. Judy Ann Santos ang kasama nya dito. Dagdagan pa ng Sam Milby, Mr. Tirso Cruz III, Ms. Coney Reyes, John Estrada, Mylene Dizon, Matet De Leon, at Ms. Susan Africa. Kasama pa sina Joseph Marco, Empress, at Bryan Termulo.

Hanggang sa napalitan na ang title ng “Huwag Ka Lang Mawawala” at noong nailabas na yung sneak peek mula sa trade launch nung May 2013, nagkagulo lahat especially sa Twitter. Parang bombang sumabog dahil ibang KC at Sam ang nandun. Sila yung pinaka ikinagulat ng lahat! “Shocks” “OMG” “Waaaaaah” “Shet” yata ang madalas kong masabi nun. Honestly, naiyak ako sa tuwa at pagka-proud kay KC (teaser palang yun ha!) XD

Ilan lang po ito sa napakarami kong tweets (hehehe):

@kc_concepcion Sheeeeeeesh! Just saw ur sneak peek. Teary-eyed ako, promise!!!! Waaaaa! @samuelmilby #HuwagKaLangMawawala

Naiiyak ako habang pinapanood ko yung trailer. Sobra! Grabehan! Ibang role. OMG!!! Nakakaproud ka, @kc_concepcion! #HKLM

@samuelmilby @kc_concepcion @ConeyReyes @tirsocruziii #HuwagKaLangMawawala INTENSE!!!! Exciting! Pasabog! Grabehan!

@vhelly gusto ko yung elevator scene!!! hihihihihi. @kc_concepcion @samuelmilby

Gusto na kitang makita at mayakap ng sobraaaaaaaaaaang higpit! Bonggang bonggang excitement!! 10/20 OVER! :* @kc_concepcion

Inuulit ulit ko nanaman ang trailer!!!!!!!!!! Clap Clap! Standing Ovation! Tumbling! Split! Taas pompoms!!! @kc_concepcion

@kc_concepcion nasabi ko na bang sobrang excited na ako sa #HuwagKaLangMawawala? Hahahahaha. Gosh!

OMG!! @kc_concepcion @samuelmilby "@ABSCBN_HKLM #HuwagKaLangMawawala will begin airing on the 17th of June 2013"

Gumising kayo, mga kapitbahaaaaaaaaaaay!!! Big news! Malapit na ang #HKLM!!! *hysterical* hahahaha @kc_concepcion @Kookiberks

Suportahan po natin ang #HuwagKaLangMawawala katulad ng pagsuporta sa mga bigating teleserye ng @ABSCBNChannel2 @ABSCBNKapamilya!

Kahit sa Wednesday ka pa makikita, sobrang naeexcite na talaga ako!!!! hysterical na talaga! HAHA @kc_concepcion #HuwagKaLangMawawala

@kc_concepcion Napaiyak mo ko dun!! Unang iyak ko for #HuwagKaLangMawawala! I love you, Alexis!!

Iyak ako nang iyak. Ang sakiiiit! We hate you, Eros! :'( Alexis!! </3 @kc_concepcion #HuwagKaLangMawawala

Si Alexis ang kontrabidang maraming kakampi! Wahahaha. Suportado ka namin all the way! #TeamAlexis @kc_concepcion

Oh my God, last episode na bukas! </3 Wala pong iwanan! Walang mawawala! #HuwagKaLangMawawala @kc_concepcion @samuelmilby @OfficialJuday

Nagsimula nga po noong June 2013. Sobrang saya dahil may teleserye habit nanaman ang karamihan sa amin. Hinding-hindi kami binigo ng Huwag Ka Lang Mawawala. Simula nung unang episode, NGANGA na! Palaban ang mga linyahan, tatatak din talaga! May ilang eksena pa na nakakapanlaki na ng mata, nakakapanglaglag-panga, ang lakas makapang-mura, lakas makapagpakabog ng dibdib, yung tipong hindi na makahinga at hindi na po kami makapagtweet sa sobrang tindi. Seryoso. Hahaha! OA siguro na mga reaksyon yun pero nangyari sa totoong buhay e. Nangyari sa iba, nangyari sa’kin.

As of this writing (typing), may last episode pa bukas na hindi ko talaga alam kung paano matatapos. Pero sigurado akong magmamarka ‘to sa puso’t isipan ng lahat ng mga nakasubaybay dito. :)

Ang teleseryeng ipinaglalaban lahat. Pagsasakripsyo para sa pamilya, para sa mga minamahal. Nagpakita na kahit kailan ang mali ay mali. At kapag tinapak-tapakan ka, bumangon ka! Eto yung kapag pinanood mo, maraming realizations sa buhay. Malalaman at maiisip mo kung ano dapat ang limitasyon ng bawat tao, kung kailan ka dapat lumaban.

Bomba after bomba lang itong pasabog ng Huwag Ka Lang Mawawala eh. Matapos ang matagumpay na launch, consistent na high ratings, magagandang feedback from viewers, eto at mawawala na agad. Ininda talaga naming mga manonood yung maagang pagtatapos dahil sa bukod na sobrang maganda at de-kalidad ang serye, alam naming ilang buwan pinaghirapan at minahal ng bawat taong bumuo nito ang kanilang trabaho. Dapat talaga ang ganitong produkto, pinatatagal. Don’t get me wrong, sang-ayon din naman kami sa desisyon ni Ms. Juday na tapusin agad kesa nga naman ilipat nanaman ng timeslot. Tama sya, ang ganitong uri ng programa ay dapat napapanood ng mas maraming tao. Nakakalungkot na nga na nailipat sa 3^rd timeslot pero ang paglipat pa ulit sa 4^th timeslot, sobra na yun. Magtatapos na lahat tayo ay TAAS NOO, totoo.

Ms. Juday, maraming salamat po sa tiwalang ibinigay nyo kay KC, pati na rin po kay Sam. Marami silang napatunayan at alam naming dahil dun ay mabibigyan sila ng maraming opportunities pa na gumanap sa mas matitinding role.

Isa lang po ako sa napakaraming Kapamilya na proud na proud na naging bahagi kami ng Huwag Ka Lang Mawawala. Mula sa aking puso, mahal ko po kayo. Proud akong sabihin na isa ako sa pinaka passionate na viewer nyo. Haha! Sobrang dami ko pang gustong sabihin. Aaarrrrgghhh, basta! Maraming salamat dahil binigyan nyo kami ng pagkakataong masaksihan kung gaano kayo kahuhusay. To Dreamscape, HKLM directors, writers, producers, casts, crew, at sa lahat po…SALUDO! <3 :)

 ~Anessa, Eros, Alexis, Romulus, Helena, Demetria, Nancy, Leandros, Iris, Alejo, Athena, Victor. Emman/JR & Peter~

photo credit to pep.ph

photo credit to abs-cbnnews.com

Judy Ann Santos, Sam Milby, KC Concepcion, Tirso Cruz III, Coney Reyes, Susan Africa, Matet De Leon, Joseph Marco, Empress, Bryan Termulo, Miguel Vergara, Marco Masa, Johnny Revilla, Cheska Iñigo, Bing Davao, Ogie Diaz, Gretchen Barretto, Amalia Fuentes

More: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Huwag_Ka_Lang_Mawawala
          http://www2.abs-cbn.com/Weekdays/article/14637/huwagkalangmawawala/Huwag-Ka-Lang-Mawawala.aspx

Birthday greetings for KC Concepcion (04-07-13)

Since wala pa akong maisip na gift para kay Kace, eto ang naisipan kong gawin. Saktong may concert ang X Factor PH loves nya kaya nilubos-lubos ko na! Excited na excited akong gawin 'to!

First greeting was from Kuya Neo of Take Off. Sobrang nakakahiya! Nakaupo na sya when I approached him. I'm preparing the digicam kaso na-realize kong ang dilim nga pala. Sya pa nag-suggest na doon kami sa harap ng CR para may liwanag. HAHAHAHA. Sobrang thank you, Kuya, ang kapal ng mukha ko! LOL

Next kong nakitang free si Jeric, pinuntahan ko agad then nag-greet na rin sya. Naalala ko lang yung sinabi nyang, "Wow. KC Concepcion" hehe. Thank you!

Gab naman! Sabi ko, "Gab pa-greet naman si ate KC nyo, birthday nya sa Sunday" Sabi nya, "Ayoko nga." Hahaha. Loko! Sabi pa nga pala nya na sana raw maging classmates sila ni Kace sa workshop! (Sorry, naputol na yung video nun e. hehe.) Thank you, Gab!

While waiting for Kedebon naman na busy sa pakikipagkwentuhan, Daddy's Home naman ang nilapitan ko. Sabi naman nila, "Uy kay KC, kay KC!" Hehe. Nakakatuwa sila. Thank you po!

At ayun, naistorbo ko rin si Kedebon. Wala raw syang maisip dahil si Kace ang nasa isip nya. Haha. Nice one! Thank you! :P

Last sina KZ at Allen na excited din na mag-greet para sa ate KC nila. Sweet nila.Sabi pa nga ni Allen, "Sige sige!!!" Thank you, girls!

Mahal na mahal nyo si KC kaya mahal na mahal ko rin kayo e!
Eto naaaaaaaaaa! #happybdayKCConcepcion

MY MOST BEAUTIFUL PINAY CELEBRITY: KC CONCEPCION

A Proud Planker

"Planking" (or the "Lying Down Game") is an activity consisting of lying face down in an unusual or incongruous location. Both hands must touch the sides of the body and having a photograph of the participant taken and posted on the Internet is an integral part of the game.Players compete to find the most unusual and original location in which to play.The term planking refers to mimicking a wooden plank. Rigidity of the body must be maintained to constitute good planking. -Wikipedia

--Una kong napanood yang Planking sa GMA, Kapuso mo, Jessica Soho.
Ang nasabi ko lang nun, "Cute! Gusto ko nyan :))!".
I don't know why, pero may mga taong GALIT sa Planking. Bakeeeeeeeet? XD

Why do I plank?
It's game, yes.
It's an art, yes.
It may be safe or unsafe, okay.

But one thing why I like planking is that it unites people with common interests. You meet other people, they become your friends. It's for fun. It's one way to be happy.

Also, planking expresses freedom. Kailan pa naging masama ang dumapa at magpapicture? It's our own choice eh.

Planking is not to be stupid. To be stupid is to judge something you don't even know, to judge someone based on what she/he does just because you don't like what they're doing.

To plank is not an embarrassment but an achievement. (Do I need to explain why? Tsk)

Alam nyo yung feeling na dadapa kang nakangiti at tatayo kang nakangiti pagkatapos? That's joy! :)

TO PLANK IS NOT TO HATE BUT TO LOVE. :)

PLANKING is to be
L-oud
O-bvious
V-ivid
E-xotic

I LOVE PLANKING.

Here's our Facebook Page: www.facebook.com/FEUPlankingOFFICIAL



And because of Planking, some admins of Facebook pages like Planking PINAS and FEU Planking were invited for an episode for Kuya Kim Atienza's Matanglawin (ABS-CBN) and other shows from other TV networks.

Planking PINAS & FEU Planking admins with plankers and Kuya Kim Atienza.

MATANGLAWIN PLANKING EPISODE: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9WOe97Mu6KA&feature=youtu.be

These pages also got featured on http://hobbiesta.com/a-phenomenal-hobby-called-planking-a-deeper-understanding/

PLANK <3

My first plank.

 My failed plank. :D

 My most extreme plank (so far).

 The plank where I got my bruises. :(

 After a concert. Outside CCP.

 Kangaroo costume with props. XD

 Plank at Fort Santiago. I eagerly joined Bangkulasi Elementary School students the moment I saw them trying it. I also promised them to thanked them on our page (I did.) :D

For more photos: www.facebook.com/ranzcelinestar

"My Proudest Moment"

I’ve made many decisions in my life, between right and wrong, between what is good and bad. My last year of high school was filled with achievements that undeniably made me and my family proud. As a dancer, it was an honor to dance with one of the members of the Philippine All-Stars. As a singer, it is best to represent myself and my Alma Mater for my continued service for God. As a student, I felt the happiness when I became the President of the Student Council and fortunately being on the top as I graduated. But these titles or statements are not the things that made me proud of myself.

We can’t attain success without experiencing some things that can make or break us. At some point of my journey, I heard people telling me that I did not deserve to be on top; and someone even texted me, telling me that I should stop being a “feelingera”, that it’s not true that I am good in singing and dancing. And I said to myself, “Wait, was there a time that I told everyone that I am good at it? I always say to people that I know how to do it but never that I am good at it.” That was the time when I felt self-pity. My self-confidence was definitely in its lowest. But as time went by, I realized that I don’t have to be affected by those things. I have seen and felt the love of my friends and former schoolmates whenever I visit to my Alma Mater. They would even go out of their classrooms just to greet me, and I was like, “Hey! These people remember me. These people love me.” I know there are people who really appreciated and admired me for what I have done. They recognized my achievements and they respect me until now. When I heard someone telling me that she wants to be like me, I know I will continue what I am doing. I know I left a good image on those people and I don’t want them to be disappointed. That makes me proud. I can now stand in front of everybody with confidence. I can be successful by believing in my own principle; to be fair, to be clean, to be honest and to be humble. They saw my heart all those years and this heart will never change. I will never forget that once in my life I was brought down and now I have the courage to believe in myself.

That is where I want to go. That is what I want to be. I want to be a role model. I want to be an image of strength and acceptance. I want to stand on what I believe is right. I want to prove that imperfection is not a reason to be destroyed by anyone. I may not be beautiful. I may not be intelligent. I may not be as talented as everybody here. I only have my personality with me; still, I am proud of it. Because most of the times, personality is enough, a good personality is just enough.

My heart says...

LOVE...HURT...LOVE AGAIN
I decided to just say what I'm going through right now. It's not that serious that I will attempt suicide. LOL

But, these days, I'm sure that many will relate to this.

The first step to move on is ACCEPTANCE, I know. But what I don't know is how to do it. It's been months when I was told that he's already engaged. Yes, he was the one who told me (which I was thankful) the news. What is not great about this is I still don't know “since when” did he have his new girlfriend. I am afraid to know. Why? Because I'm afraid to know the truth. Why again? Okay, let me tell you the story...

We (I suppose) have been in love for almost or more than two years and here's the thing, that was just a mutual understanding. No formal relationship. And we have not met, EVER! That makes this story stupid. Hate me now? Haha.

So, we've been communicating through text. And the kulitan plus the closeness were to blame! It was an on-off communication, too. But the past year, we became consistent. I was at my happiest, no doubt. All that we waited was for us to meet and we're ready for a commitment. Until all of these hurtful things happened. Just when he already consistently speaks to me on the phone, he would break such revelations. I was crying while we were talking. I never thought that that would be like a real break-up! XD It hurt so bad.

He asked why I'm crying and I just said, “Happy!”. (Of course, I'm not! Damn it!)

He also said that he loved me. Sure, I believed it. (Oh wait, I'm crying. Waaaah) It was his birthday that time and I stayed just to be with him (on the phone). That was foolish. I told him that I will not text him anymore but he didn't want me to leave. He asked for my friendship and I gave in. Though it was painful to still communicate with him, I did. It was a torture but I stayed. Because he asked me to. Now, he has disappeared. Maybe he doesn't need me at all. Maybe he doesn't care at all. But, nothing for me to do. He already found someone. And he had the nerves to tell me that she's like me. The attitude, etc. Tsk. They will tie the knot soon and I can't promise to wish them well. I wish myself well instead.

I feel that the love I gave exceeded. He already left and I'm still here, hurting. I even find time to read his messages. I can't delete it. I don't know why but there's still the happiness and kilig. Then, tears will follow. :)

Frustrated. I observed that I'm getting more and more frustrated whenever I see couples. I could have been one of them. It's sad when the things on my mind are all questions, but just unanswered.

How can you let go if you still want him in your life?

How can you move on when despite the pain, you still love him.

DAMN MOVING ON! DAMN LETTING GO!